Mrs. Knaidel

Sorry for the long hiatus- well, why am I apologizing? Anyway- I was busy with wedding preparations, the wedding, sheva brachos, and settling into married life. But here I am- back and better than ever. And baruch hashem- those nerves are away.

Everyone keeps asking me- how is married life? What's it like? First off- I don't do any of the married tasks like cooking etc, because I live right near my parents and figure that its the summer. When the zman starts, and I actually move to E'Y, I will have plenty of oppurtunities for that.

As for feeling married- hah. I still can't believe it. It is so weird, but I have to say that the itchy sheitel does remind me of exactly that. I'm still the same person, I just happen to have less free time.

More soon- on the other side of the single friend's complaints. But mine can't complain, because I still call/text/visit them.

Dating Advice

It seems that once a girl gets engaged, she becomes the guru for dating advice. She also suddenly gets listened to when it comes to rehding shidduchim. Sometimes. But until that moment, she is unheard.

I'm here to talk about after that moment. Suddenly, people flock to me like they flock to sample sales in the city. I get phone calls, I get nudges, and I am supposed to give this sagely advice, for obviously I know a secret because I have a ring on my finger.

This is so inherently false. I mean, just because whatever mess-ups I did didn't hurt my process, or didn't bother Mr. Mensch over here, does not mean that I know what I am doing. But I have to say that I followed this same path. When I was dating, I followed my engaged friend's advice. And this girl had only dated one boy!

However, I love to help. I have to admit, it is fun to hear people's dating stories and lives. Maybe I am just a gossip. I don't know. If I admit it, shouldn't that be something? But I feel terrible when I don't really know how to help them, or even if what I did they should follow, and they listen to me like I am the spokeswomen for dating.

Happy Shavuos

Happy Shavuos everyone! I always love Shavuos, being a milchig person myself. Lasanga, blintzes, pizza knishes, cheese kugel, yum. The one thing that I happen not to enjoy is the cheesecake, for which I am told that I have no taste. But anyway...

I think it's just hysterical how many men complain about Shavuos and staying up all night. First of all, all night is like what, 4:30? Yes, it is a big deal to learn for such a long time. But they forget that many of us girls and women stay up the entire night before, cooking for yom tov. And waking up early to cook. Etc, etc.

Last year at this time, I was in Israel. Though I did feel a bit sad to be away from home for Yom Tov, I will never forget the feeling of being olah l'regel. Really. I felt like I, with the rest of my brothers in klal yisroel, went to get the torah. It was such an inspiring feeling that I wish I could have kept with me. But we all know how that inspiring moments are. In an instant, you feel like you could change the world, change yourself. And sadly, most of the time, that feeling fades.

Lets not let it fade this year. Though it may be taxing on everyone, it is a holiday that I think we should all enjoy and it should bring simcha and lots of mazal to all. :)

Bundles of...

Nerves, nerves, and more nerves. There are so many things that turn my stomach upside-down, and make me feel that little squeel of nervousness. You would think that I'd stop eating, but no. Yet that bundle of nerves that replaced AidelKnaidel and turned into a monster is here until the wedding, I do think.

I find myself constantly looking in the mirror, whether it be whilst in a gown, or in a sheitel, and just feeling like I am a complete little faker who is playing dress up. This just feels absolutely surreal.

I've discovered the hoax

I never knew there was so much to do for a wedding. I used to make poke fun at the engaged girls who claimed to be so busy. But now, finally, it is hitting me.

Things are really crazy now, what with finals beginning and the Spring semester ending. I don't know how they manage it, but in the Fall semester as well as the current one, they have scheduled for me three finals on the same day. Is that a promotion of fairness? I think not.

Can I let you in on a little secret?

I find myself hearing my friend's summer plans, of camp and even just school and hanging out, and I feel a bit saddened. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled to be getting married. I know that this is what I wanted, this is what everyone wanted. But I think that once individuals reach this stage, and know that it is coming, they then look back at "the good old days." I will miss having fun with my friends, not having a care in the world nor a time that I must be home.

But I am very, very happy. Does anyone share in my paradoxical feelings?

My Two Cents

Wow- it has been awhile, but I have been busy with schoolwork and stuff. I think the Professors in Touro purposely collaberate and decide that all term papers should be due the week after Pesach. I mean, really!

Anyway- on the wedding front- b"h all is going well, and relatively smoothly bli ayin hara. And I have to say that I am really making an effort for my single friends. One of Best friends just got married this past week, and when she was engaged I realized how hard she worked to keep me in the loop. Of course, things do change, as people get busy. But there is a difference between being a tad busier than usual and dropping your friends like hot potatoes.

But I do have to say my piece about one thing. Besides for being treated differently by a vast lot of people, which is to be expected. I don't really understand why all of a sudden I am a novelty, but don't worry, I know that all of the attention wears off. Besides, I am not one that basks in it. But I have a complaint about one of my other single, best friends.

I know that it must be really difficult for her to feel like she is losing me. I felt the same way when she began to date before I did. But I really am trying. I call her at least every other day, keep the conversation on her and other things, and just laugh everything else that I am doing off. I don't want to drop her, I still love her and want to stay friends. Just because people get married, all of a sudden you can't be friends anymore?

But she treats me differently. I guess she doesn't want to be left alone when I leave, but still. All of sudden she is off making new friends, which is totally allowed, but she leaves me alone. I feel like we are drifting, and I really don't think it is because of me.

How weird is that. Its like the reverse complaint. Usually, its the single friends kvetching about the engaged ones. But I promised myself that I wouldn't be THAT engaged girl. And I'm not.

Still here; two feet on the ground

Yes everyone, I have survived these past few weeks. lol. I chose that word on purpose. As for the euphoria, I think that as much as my personality and brain lets me, it has come. But I do have to tell you that a lot of people fake that "cloudiness" and "out-of-this-world" feeling. Of course it is amazing to be engaged. But everyone forgets the nervousness, the need to please a whole bunch of new people, and the roller-coaster ride of emotions that come along with everything. And the scary notion of change.

Everyone keeps asking me what it feels like to be this way. Let me tell you: it feels the same. I mean, sure, now I have to worry about silly things like the colors of dresses and coordinating shabbosim, but otherwise, I am still me. I have not been lifted to another planet where everything else in my life falls to the wayside. I mean, hello, this is AK we are talking about. I still have my reports, my mid-terms, and my friends. I do not believe in dropping friends just because I happen to be getting married. Everyone still needs their friends, no matter how amazing their chosson is. Yes, he is a very important part of my life and will always be. And he is and will always be my first best friend. But he does not replace all of the other relationships in my life, and neither do I replace his.

*hides*

Hey everyone- this is just your typical announcement to let you know that I am, officially, engaged.

Yes me. I know. *shriek* I left the singles club and joined the terrified, shivering marrieds to be. And you know what? That planet that everyone says I am supposed to have been lifted to, or that feeling of euphoria that was supposed to come over me... has not yet arrived.

I am a very logical, analytical person who thinks things through way too much. And though I will tell most of the story of how I ended up where I am now- I must say that it is nothing like anyone tells you. Most of what people state, is all made up misbelief that they want to convince themselves of. And had I listened to all of them, even my newly engaged friends who hid the truth from me, I would not be.

More later. And I will not abandon this site, nor my religious visit to Bad4s site. And I will not become an obnoxious, engaged girl who drapes her hand around Touro to show off the bracelet.

Pressure levels

Don't you just love the rules? By date X, you should feel Z. By date Y, you should be Q. I mean, who really knows?

Everyone is different. We all know that. We learned it in kindergarten, perhaps through Barney, btu we know it. We are all special. Unique. Abnormal. Weird. Whatever you want to call it, each and every person has something different, maybe even eccentric or strange about them. Yet when it comes to dating, we classify everyone into the same catagories. Everyone into the same molds.

Who said these things? Who declared themselves lord and decided these ridiculous guidelines for the rest of us mere commoners? Just to reiterate, no one is the same. That means that everyone has to step back and just let each person come to terms with whatever, however slow they might be.

the fear lives inside

Well, hello all. Yes, I am still alive. I have been super busy with schoolwork- apparently term papers are "the" thing now and all I do is sit and write them. But otherwise, life is good. B'H.

Things have just been a little nuts. I think I have realized a lot about myself, and some of it is not so pleasant. I am afraid. Afraid of change. Afraid of growth. I am a creature of habit, a lover of routine and stagnation. I hate suprises and new things. I like everything to be a certain way. Yet I am not intense, but chilled about most things.

But now is just not a great time to be fearful. I am growing up, and I know that things will change one day, and that I must embrace them and not cower in their presence. But it terrifies me. And that makes me so frustrated.