Musings

*hides* I mean't to post days ago, I just have not found the time. So sorry. Oh well, here goes for my last few days of thoughts...

Again with the friends. One of my friends, who I am actually becoming closer with, got engaged like, right away. Awhile back. And she was so cute, and so excited, and not at all like those engaged girls we all make fun of all the time. And I was really happy, because she would tell me all her plans and we would just have fun together. But I do have to say, that a part of me looked at her and saw me in her eyes. She is a bit similar to me, so I thought, you see, "She's engaged, I will be too i"yh". And I also could not wait to be in her stage. It was not jealousy like with my friend Maidel 2- but I longed to be in her shoes.

Long no more. Sadly, she broke her engagement. This is now very real to me, because I have seen the stars in her eyes one day, and the next day, nothing. I'm not saying this is SO horrible, I mean, one of my parents also had a broken engagement before they met the other, and baruch hashem for that. I am just saying that when people speak about broken engagements, it just seems like the person was never really happy- they would have never gotten married anyway. But she was going to. She had everything already.

Anyway- looking at her, of course with my usual smile, but inner sadness, I had an epiphany (Sp?). Here I was, looking at this girl for a couple of months, wishing that I was. That she was so lucky to be on the market for such a short amount of time. That she was out of the rat race and carried a trophy. And now, she probably looks at me and has that same feeling. Because not only is she not ahead of me, but not she probably feels behind me. Lagging along.

I have to say that I am proud of myself. My parents decided that since I am now nineteen, that shidduchim should be coming strong and our phone should be ringing off the hook. This is of course because they think that the whole world knows they waiting for the end of December. Hah. But anyway- I am right now very happy with what I am doing, and not in a rush. Sure, I do want to get married, and it hurts when my friends are all excited and in it without me, but I am young. I have time. And someone will want to marry me. Right?