Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Hopefully its a matter of time

Thanks for the comments. Unfortunately, the feelings i spoke about in the last post have not gone away. Perhaps they are getting worse.

I feel so bad. Last year, I adored it here. I never felt bored- I was busy with school, with friends, and I didn't mind being home alone in my apartment. Now I guess its different. Because I have Little Aidel, she keeps me busy- but she hates being home. She wants to be outside, and I guess I just feel so alone with no one to call. Im bored with myself, bored of walking to the same places myself. And there is no option of just staying home- she goes stir crazy.

Im starting to drive Mr. Aidel crazy I think. Im finally telling him how I feel... and though usually he is quite understanding, now he is not so. I guess because he is in yeshiva and is always out and with people, he just can't understand my feelings. He does not know why I am feeling so alone if I have little aidel, and why I can't just sit in the park? Obviously, he is understanding and if I were truly miserable, we would move back. I don't want to though. I do like it here.... just this zman has been so incredibly hard for me, its even hard not to cry about it.

I hope next zman will be better. Bein HaZmanim is coming up, so then everything should be fine... and I hope by Elul I have this thing figured out and I feel better about being here. If not, we are in for a long year.