Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Two Sides of the Fence

While I was in Israel- I was sitting with a group of my friends who had married right out of seminary, moved to Israel, and were b'h blessed with children less than a year later. Their babies are turning one in the next few months. We were sitting and talking about our friends whom were single and in the states. One of the girls commented, "I can't believe our friends are starting graduate school. I mean, thats big." She wasn't saying anything about regretting marrying young, she just felt strange that she had no degree and had just married and now had a family of her own. She mused that sometimes she felt the girls were lucky to get their degrees behind them before they started life.

Well, now its bein hazmanim and I am in the United States. I was talking with one of my closest friends who said that she just can't believe shes starting graduate school and shes not married. She just never pictured being single and going to school, getting her BA. A group of single friends were talking about how they feel stupid because girls our age have one and some even almost two kids and they are just in the same boat, going to school.

I thought this was highly amusing. It seems that no matter where you are in life, the other side of the fence looks appealing in some ways.


nmf #7 said...

Very true. I've totally done that sometimes- looked at other's lives and wished I was on that side of the fence.
Ah well. We all have our own pekeles. And, if you asked those girls which they would rather have- their own life, or the other, they would probably choose their own.

chanie said... about the fear of kids messing up your degree? I have two more years, and bez"H am getting married in the winter..and am kind of scared that I'll have a kid before I'm nearly done and it'll ruin my beautfully laid-out plans. Makes me jealous of those who have it simple...either one or the other. Ah, well....

Anonymous said...

I am about to finish grad school. When I told my father's friends that I'm graduating, he said he only cares about the "real" graduation. Of course I would have rather had a "real" graduation already, but right now I have to be proud of my accomplishments so far - that I completed grad school. I always imagined having my husband at my graduation. Oh, well.

CJ Srullowitz said...

I believe, lulei demistafina, that it goes beyond "the grass is always greener..."

Life is like a pyramid: as we get older, our choices become narrower and narrower. We can't do or have everything. So we wonder what it would be like to have it the other way.

corner point said...

That's the way it works...unfortunately.

Guess the key is to learn to appreciate the grass on the side you're on. It's hard, but it's definitely doable. And once learned, appreciation for what one has is a pretty direct path to feeling happy

Anonymous said...

It depends. I'm in my early thirties and still single. Of course, I want to marry and have my own family--I am often lonely and worried as I look at the years ahead of me, but I see some of my friends dealing with difficult marriages/childrearing situations, and I don't see the grass as being greener on their side. While I am sure they look at me and think "at least I'm married".

Anonymous said...

When will people learn to appreciate their life as it is? Nobody knows what it's like at the other side of the fence until they are there and sometimes, when they get there, they wonder what it was that seemed so appealing.

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