Tuesday, December 2, 2008


So... first off, thanks to the generous commenters. Some of you really made me feel a lot better and understand exactly what it is thats bothering me. It was nice to feel that I am not crazy, nor wrong but simply afraid.

Thats what it is. I put my finger on it. Its not really jealousy, its fear. I have a fear of the unknown. A fear for the future. I know that a lot of people do, but with me I think its more pronounced. I know that I have not been married all that long, and really, its a bracha for some people to get to spend extra time together. Its just that as every month goes by, I think to myself, "Why not now?" And also, if it will ever happen. But its the same with shidduchim I think. I was just talking to one of my good friends who is back at home. She said that its not that she needs to be married next month. She's just afraid, and she wants to know if it will happen. If she had a crystal ball or ruach hakodesh, and she saw her wedding day in January 2009, she'd be fine. She just wants to know.

So I think its the same with me.

Besides, it just so happens that every single acqaintance and friend of mine is expecting. Yes, EVERY single last one who is here in EY. You are right if you say that I need to meet more people... its a bracha really. So many girls and blessed right away. Just when you are the odd one out... it kind of hurts.

Once again, may hashem answer our tefilos l'tovah and may we all be granted what we are waiting for bekarov.


nmf #7 said...

I think B4S posted on the "wish I could know syndrome". It would be great if we could know that in four months, we would get married, or find a job, or have a child, for example.

But it also eliminates the growth of those 4 months. Those four months of davening with kavana, of helping others as a "zechus", of growing, yearning, and searching.

It's unfortunate- but without those times of growth, we can't become the people we're meant to be.

May your tefillos be answered, be"H, b'shaah tova o'mutzlachas.

Bas~Melech said...

It's so true. I can't stand suspense. Waiting wouldn't be so hard if you knew when the wait would end or even just what awaits at the end.

But, as NMF said, suspense is part of the waiting game... it wouldn't be the same without it.

It's at the same time frightening and comforting to realize that as soon as one wait is over, the next begins. On the one hand, that's terrible news for those of us who hate waiting! On the other hand, it can give us more patience because you don't have to be as anxious for each specific wait to end, knowing that it won't end the waiting...

It's hard to put into words...

Inspired said...

NMF #7- you got it!

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