"The Market"

I have been home for what, 3 months? Almost Four? And already, the pressure is on. I feel it. I have to admit that I felt it a bit in seminary, all the way on the other side of the ocean. It is intense. The not-knowing who, what, when, where, or how? No one wants to be the last one. And for some reason, everyone feels forgotten.

And this is quite pathetic. But I am absolutely no better. I am eighteen years old, fresh out of Sem, and I feel nervous. Stressed. And this is the norm. I have to say that although it is the norm, it is not exactly normal.

Whats the problem? I was not supposed to be dating anyway until after way Chanukkah, when I turn nineteen. And most girls start after sukkos. Which was three days ago. But I still feel it. Maybe it is in my unconscious, or pre-conscious. Whatever the psycho-analysis term that it is. One thing is for sure, those psychiatrists would say that all jewish single girls are medically INSANE. Or maybe its the world?

Why does an eighteen year old/nineteen year old feel such pressure? Is it really such a horror if the girl gets a bit of college done, or makes some money, and matures a little? Why is there are nebach to the age 21? Why do I get appraising looks when I walk into a kiddush or whatever? Why do I have to get dressed up whenever I step out of my house? Its a crazy world I tell you. And it is me too, don't get me wrong. I feel like I'm dying to get married. And for no good reason. I know I am still immature in some ways. Have plenty of room to grow. And I probably don't deserve the type of boy that I want. But those are my issues.

More on this later. Meanwhile, whoever reads this: I'd love to hear your thoughts. Part two, or shall I say, a more personal aspect of this rant, is coming soon.