Friday, March 7, 2008

the fear lives inside

Well, hello all. Yes, I am still alive. I have been super busy with schoolwork- apparently term papers are "the" thing now and all I do is sit and write them. But otherwise, life is good. B'H.

Things have just been a little nuts. I think I have realized a lot about myself, and some of it is not so pleasant. I am afraid. Afraid of change. Afraid of growth. I am a creature of habit, a lover of routine and stagnation. I hate suprises and new things. I like everything to be a certain way. Yet I am not intense, but chilled about most things.

But now is just not a great time to be fearful. I am growing up, and I know that things will change one day, and that I must embrace them and not cower in their presence. But it terrifies me. And that makes me so frustrated.


halfshared said...
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frumskeptic said...

Alot of people do not like change. However, its a part of life. When I read your post the first thing that came to my head was an "essay" that was read outloud at the end of one episode of a popular show- Everwood, a few years here it is:

"The more things change the more they stay the same. I’m not sure who the first person was who said that, maybe Shakespeare, maybe Sting. But at this moment, it’s the sentence that best explains my tragic flaw: my inability to change. I don’t think I’m alone in this. The more I get to know other people I realize it’s kind of everyone’s flaw. Staying exactly the same, for as long as possible. Standing perfectly still it seems better somehow, and if you are suffering, at least the pain is familiar. Because if you took that leap of faith, jumped outside the box, did something unexpected, who knows what other pain could be waiting out there. Chances are It could be even worse. So you maintain status quo, choose the road already traveled it doesnt seem that bad, not as far as flaws go, you’re not a drug addict, your not killing anyone, except for maybe yourself a little. When you finally do change i dont think it happens like an earthquake or an explosion, where all of a sudden we are a different person. I think its smaller than that. The kind of thing most people wouldn’t even notice, unless they looked really, really close. Which thank God they never do. But you notice it and inside you that change feels like a world of a difference and you hope that it is. And you hope that this is the person who you get to be forever, and you never have to change again."

-Ephrams Essay