Thursday, September 11, 2008

She's bacck

Back and better than ever. No, I didn't quit. Thanks for the comments though- made me feel quite the wanted individual.

So- I guess my blog is changing a little. I mean, when I started almost a year ago, I was a girl reporting on the single side of the fence- in Touro, surrounded by the frenzy of shidduchim, singles vs. married, and just things of that sort. Now I am in E'Y, among only married people. It is a big change, let me tell you. For the last few months, I was the star. I was the mature one moving off from singleland to the scary and daunting imaginary picture of a married. And yet here I am, the same Aidel, and now I am the "oh, please *rolls eyes" newbie who tugs on her sheitel and walks with her head down past the park. Yeah, things change. And big time.

I know that everyone knows that while single, most think that only those who are married "matter". And that the married people all regard them as different. Like there is some sort of club that you only join with the diamond solitaire, or maybe even the platinum band. But I hate to break it to you that even amongst the banded ones, there are still the same rules. Its just different. Instead of like in Touro, where the first thing you notice is someone's left ring finger... here the stare is at people's stomachs. Seriously. Or the baby in their arms. You think that that challenge ends- like once you are married you can "breathe easy" and stop having something over your head. But now there is the new pressure...

And I am not even sure which one is worse.


Rafi G said...

welcome back. how long are you in Israel for? a year or a few?
I live in RBS..

NMF #7 said...

Welcome back!
Glad to have you join us old fogey married people in E"Y.
I guess my experience has been that people only stare if you think they are staring- if you pay attention to them, then yes, you'll notice the stares.
Plus, the more you try to fit into Israeli society, the less stares you'll get.
It could be that maybe the stares are from the designer clothes or shaitel, which are uncommon here, except among the newlywed from the US.

In Israel too. said...

yes for sure people stare but i dont think its directly at the stomach. Just satm cause everyone here is board and has nothing to do.

P.s i also just moved here newly married if you ever wanna chat then e mail me at

corner point said...

I was dating this guy recently and if anything came out of that amazing and quite painful dating parsha, it's this lesson.

This boy is considerably older than most of the other guys I'd dated, and we were having a conversaion about the struggles of dating and the whole shidduch story. He was telling me about something he heard from R' Reisman about nisyonos-- Each person is given their own tests, and nobody is "exempt" or "free" from any kind of test. If you're single, you'll have problems with shidduchim. If you're married, you'll be struggling for parnassah, or with conceiving a child, or with tza'ar gidul banim, or with dashed dreams... Nobody is free of tzaros.

...but that's not the way to really look at life. Life is so beautiful and real and fresh and tantalizingly livable! Why waste it on caring that other people are looking for pregnant stomachs? Why waste it on wondering when that's gonna be you? Who cares about the "pressure"? Look at that ring on your finger and that sheitel on your head and throw your head back and say "THANK YOU G-D THAT I GOT TO THIS STAGE IN MY LIFE!!"

I really in no way meant that to be mussar-y sounding. I really apologize if that's how it sounded. Just trying to show you that you so don't have to see either of those situations as *worse*. Where you are is exactly where you should be, and don't let anyone's expectations of you stand in the way of you being completely, 100% content where you are right now.

Hatzlacha :-)

StillinShidduchim said...

Nice comment, Corner Point :-)

mlevin said...

Mazel Tov on your marriage.

1. Why do you need to look down when passing park?

2. Isn't it a bit early for people to watch your stomach?

thinking... said...

Heyyy welcome back :)

NMF #7 said...

Sigh- it's unfortunate that Aidel should feel stares even though she's really newly married- but it does happen. Best advice- ignore them.

Corner Point: Loved your comment! So true- I really should recognize how wonderful it is that I have reached that stage of my life- thanks for the reminder!

mlevin said...

My daughter just confirmed, they are watching their teachers stomach and she married in June.

Stupid girls.

chanie said...

Welcome to Israel. Can I meet you?

SuperRaizy said...

Oh, how nice that you are starting off your married life in Israel.
Please stop worrying so much about what other people think of you. There is no end to that. Today it's "is she pregnant?" then comes comments about how you raise your kids, cook your Shabbos meals, decorate your house, dress for simchas, work (or don't work) outside the home... There will always be someone sticking their nose in your business. The sooner you learn to ignore them, the better off you'll be.

Bas~Melech said...

Even as a self-conscious single, I can assure you that the stomach-staring is worse. NMF, it is NOT just one's perception. I have heard the grossest conversations all revolving around which NMFs look slightly rounder than you thought they did yesterday. It's appalling.

nmf #7 said...

bas-melech- ugh, that's horrible. Okay, I'm trying to be dan lekaf zechus, as it is a new year and all.

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