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Sunday, November 11, 2007

weddings

Alright, we all know about the Agudah's takanos of what you can and cannot have at a proper, hechsherized wedding. I think that the guest list is limited, as is the band, shmorg, and no bar. There is also a ban on the vort. And all this is to cut down the costs of weddings.

People are obviously spending more than they can afford. With weddings come mass expenses. And lets not forget the furniture, or even the gown rentals! There is so much money that has to be spent its almost comical.

So it makes sense that the rabbanim try to lower the costs. But I was thinking. I mean- yes, there is a difference in the wedding halls, and the catering and everything. But why on earth do we have to feed every single person we have ever known? And you can't chas veshalom not invite them, for they will be insulted.

Why do we have to have a whole ganzt meal. I would be perfectly happy with a shmorg. I mean, who eats at weddings anyway? I know that I don't. But maybe I am speaking for myself. I think it is ridiculous how society creates these neccessities. So what if we don't keep up with the Jones, or is it the Cohens?

Why do my friend's parents have to cry and worry about debt because they are marrying off their daughter? Weddings should not be about the materialistic things that we have made them into.

12 comments:

Bas~Melech said...

I like what they do in Israel -- around dancing time, they put out a table of kugel, some cake, and drinks (the non-alcoholic kind) for the friends who come to join in the simchas chatan v'kallah.

bad4shidduchim said...

They don't *have* to. They're afraid *not* to.

halfshared said...

I don't see ANYONE following the takanos. And the Roshei Yeshivos still show up at extravagant weddings.

bad4shidduchim said...

I follow them. At least about vorts. And when people ask me why I don't go to vorts I say, "Because the Rabbanim banned them." You should see the faces!

OK... that's not the only reason I don't go to vorts, but I find it a compelling one.

Scraps said...

Honestly, the "simcha takkanos" are a total joke. Almost no one follows them; no one takes them seriously. The only way to make people take them seriously would be for the rabbonim to NEVER attend a simcha that didn't fall within the stated guidelines. However, they can't afford to offend their biggest donors (who can well afford to spend far beyond what is reasonable on a simcha) so they go anyway.

Personally, I find extravagant weddings to be too much. There's so much waste, and so many things that everyone "must" have are so unnecessary. One wedding I went to many years ago did something very smart--they didn't have a shmorg, just a few waiters walking around with hors d'oevres during the kabbalas panim, and then after the chuppah they had a huge buffet while the chasan and kallah were in the yichud room, taking pictures, etc. The food was great, it was much more laid back, and everyone got to walk around and talk to whoever they wanted instead of being stuck at a table with strangers. :)

ProfK said...

Instead of banning vorts maybe what was needed was a going back to how it was about 40 years ago. What people call a "l'chaim" today was what a "vort" was then--an "engagement party" held in the home to which only close friends and family were invited.(Note-back then people called this "t'nayim, even when they didn't actually write the t'nayim there. Vort is a more modern word.)On rare occasions this was held in a shule. The food was simple, many times only cake, fruit and shnaps. Yesteryear's "l'chaim" was only the family of the boy and the family of the girl with a grandparent thrown into the mix. Somehow we all felt engaged anyway.

Miss Teacher said...

There is an inyan to partake in the wedding meal as it is a seudas mitzvah. Partake meaning wash for hamotzi, bench together with the minyan and participate in sheva brachos. Extravagant weddings are a rediculous waste of money.

fashionista cat in a zero gravity shoe-store said...

Have BBQs instead - men love grilled meat, women love salad varieties, kids love - uhm - anything with ketchup and desserts :)

JewishMama said...

We had a cut price wedding ( we paid for it ourselves) and we did have a few rather rude comments from people. However, we did have far more positive ones from people who felt like the true simcha came through.
It's tough to be different, and I can understand why people want the same standard as everyone else.

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