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Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Musings

*hides* I mean't to post days ago, I just have not found the time. So sorry. Oh well, here goes for my last few days of thoughts...

Again with the friends. One of my friends, who I am actually becoming closer with, got engaged like, right away. Awhile back. And she was so cute, and so excited, and not at all like those engaged girls we all make fun of all the time. And I was really happy, because she would tell me all her plans and we would just have fun together. But I do have to say, that a part of me looked at her and saw me in her eyes. She is a bit similar to me, so I thought, you see, "She's engaged, I will be too i"yh". And I also could not wait to be in her stage. It was not jealousy like with my friend Maidel 2- but I longed to be in her shoes.

Long no more. Sadly, she broke her engagement. This is now very real to me, because I have seen the stars in her eyes one day, and the next day, nothing. I'm not saying this is SO horrible, I mean, one of my parents also had a broken engagement before they met the other, and baruch hashem for that. I am just saying that when people speak about broken engagements, it just seems like the person was never really happy- they would have never gotten married anyway. But she was going to. She had everything already.

Anyway- looking at her, of course with my usual smile, but inner sadness, I had an epiphany (Sp?). Here I was, looking at this girl for a couple of months, wishing that I was. That she was so lucky to be on the market for such a short amount of time. That she was out of the rat race and carried a trophy. And now, she probably looks at me and has that same feeling. Because not only is she not ahead of me, but not she probably feels behind me. Lagging along.

I have to say that I am proud of myself. My parents decided that since I am now nineteen, that shidduchim should be coming strong and our phone should be ringing off the hook. This is of course because they think that the whole world knows they waiting for the end of December. Hah. But anyway- I am right now very happy with what I am doing, and not in a rush. Sure, I do want to get married, and it hurts when my friends are all excited and in it without me, but I am young. I have time. And someone will want to marry me. Right?

17 comments:

the apple said...

Right.

You are NINETEEN. Still a teenager, for goodness sakes. It's *okay* for you to not be married yet. Really. Be happy and enjoy being able to pick up and do whatever you want while you can :).

(And you spelled epiphany correctly. Yay!!)

halfshared said...

That's my girl. Just enjoy your time now and be there for your friend. Gosh, at 19 I wasn't even THINKING of marriage. I woke up like at least 2 years later. Sure I dated in the interim, but I didn't really want it to happen. Good luck and it should happen in the right time, with clarify and easily. When you make that decision iyh soon, may it be a decision you and your husband will never regret, until 120.

David_on_the_Lake said...

I think.
If everyone could look into the future and see that everything will be alright most people would not be in any rush to get married..
Why not enjoy a few young single years and accomplish what you cannot when you're married?
It's an anxiety based drive...

btw entirely off topic.
As an artist myself..I think your blog is one of the most beautiful blogs I've seen...artistically..

AidelKnaidel said...

Thanks guys! I know- it is true. If I just knew exactly when, I could sit back and relax now. Its just that I don't posses a crystal ball.

And david- thanks. What kind of art do you do?

badforshidduchim said...

Right.

Scraps said...

The grass isn't always greener on the other side of the fence, contrary to the popular saying. It just looks like it is...until, sometimes, Hashem opens our eyes and we can appreciate what we have.

You don't need to be in a rush--as everyone keeps saying, you are only 19. If you think you're ready, by all means go ahead with dating and all that, but there's no need to feel all the pressure and stress. You'll find the right one when Hashem decides it's time for him to come along.

Semgirl said...

There is no rush. When I was 21, almost everyone in my class was married I was going to 2 chasanas a week from friends and felt very depressed, until a number of them starting getting divorced one by one, then I didnt feel so bad anymore, take your time live a lil...

iwuzdumped said...

Trust me.
A broken engagement sucks.
When I was engaged, I was one of the first in my grade, and people kept telling me how lukcy I was to avoid the whole scene.
I didn't understand what it was all about.
One thing a broken engagement does, is it teaches you a lot. it changes your perspective.
i remember one of my friends also, who had a broken engegement, when i called her and she was telling me how her chasan was telling her such sweet things--the next week, the engagement was broken.
just don't compare, and when it's you, keep it low-key.

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