Monday, December 10, 2007

... I dont want you to see

So I wrote before that I discovered the green within. Envy. Jealousy. You know, the middah that is the worst, that turns everything around and eventually poisins everything. Well, wait. I'm not that bad off yet.

I have this friend. We can call her Maidel, I guess. And Maidel and I talk on the phone almost every night, about everything. From stupidity to dating, to whatever. Anyway- we were both pretty much on the same page with shidduchim. Meaning: both of use hadn't gone out yet. I had some prospects; and as you know, many rejected me, some are still in the works, and I rejected one. She was pretty much not as busy. Then she had this prospective guy, and guess what, she got a yes. And she was going out.

And suddenly, I did not want to hear about it anymore. That might be because we absolutely exhausted the topic, but I do not know. I started getting annoyed with her and felt like she was bragging a bit. Maybe she was, but that is ok. It is her prerogative, and I should be excited for her.

So I am. I was. Whatever. I mean, I really was. I coached her into what to say, to wear, to do. I felt butterflies the whole shabbos knowing when she was going out. I was her reference.. I mean, yes. I didn't do anything that was bad. I just felt awful.

It went away, well, a bit. But I just really hate what this is making me become.


halfshared said...

Your feelings are kind of normal. That's what competition is all about..and that's why I don't like discussing my shidduchim with friends. It's just not healthy. Try not to talk about it too's only natural that it will breed jealousy. Good luck to both of you.

Bad4shidduchim(in exile) said...


I can't tell you anything you don't know, but I'll say it anyway. You're young. You have lots of life ahead of you. You are a valuable person on your own. You'll get your "yeses" soon enough and begin to wish you hadn't. Who dates first isn't indicative of anything about character.

It's natural to feel jealous because you're treating this like the next big thing in your life. And of course you want to do well at it.
Don't give it that chashivus. It's incredible how much better you'll feel.

[/end rant]

It really bothers me when people get so upset about shidduchim. Which is why I started blogging. But seriously... why get upset about something that is totally out of your control? Imagine being upset because of the weather or what color tie the president wears.

Oh wait, I"m ranting again. I'll stop for real now.

Juggling Frogs said...

The feeling is the challenge.

That you're struggling with it means that you're meeting the challenge.

If you never felt jealous, you'd never have the opportunity to improve this middah.

It's humbling and ennobling at the same time. We're not angels, born perfect. We have stuff to do. This is that stuff.

Imagine yourself as a mother, years from now, trying to teach and comfort your daughter as she faces a similar challenge. What use would you be to her, if you never struggled with this yourself? Everything you'd say would seem like a platitude.

"Eeeeema. You just don't understand."

"Hmmm. Maybe not. But I remember what it was like. When my friend..."

Anonymous said...

ditto, juggling frogs. well said both of you.
feelings have to be dealt with. I think your doing well

the dreamer said...

this is why i don't discuss dating with friends... my closest friends know when i'm dating, but that's it... they don't hear any details... until it's over and i can tell the funny stuff (without names, of course..)

Juggling Frogs said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Juggling Frogs said...

This post made me think of you.

(Please don't read it as something that puts more pressure on you, but rather as something that points to the positive potential in your struggle.)

flatbush gal said...

I think the solution is not to talk about it as much any more at least not every night. talk abt other stuff.

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